Showing posts with label teen rage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teen rage. Show all posts

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Sue Scheff: Teen Gun Violence


“One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies.’”

– Mickye McGuire-Rush, Gregory’s Mother

Mickye McGuire-Rush sits in her living room and remembers her only son, Gregory. “One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies,’” she says.

Gregory had no enemies and no protection from random violence. At age 15, he was shot to death by another kid didn’t even know.

“Mistaken identity—Gregory lost his life over something he didn’t even know was going on,” Mickye says.

Violence is killing our kids. Murder is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.

“I saw my friend in the hospital die with a nine millimeter, with a bible over it and we had a prayer before he died. Things change from that,” says one teen.

Changing the violence is exactly what a group of fourth and fifth graders are hoping to do. Some of the girls are step dancing for peace.

“We want the world to be a safe place to live,” says Ebony.

They’re part of a program at school that teaches non-violence as a way of life.

Experts say parents may not be able to prevent their children from becoming victims of violence, but they can teach kids how to handle disagreements peacefully in their own lives.

“It has to do with what you control and what you do not control. You control your own behavior. You control what you do inside that relationship with the people inside that household,” says Dr. John Jenson, psychologist.

“Clearly something is not working and I think to conclude that it’s the kids that aren’t working is inappropriate. We first must look at the environment that we have created as adults for kids to live in,” says Dr. Stephen Thomas, psychologist.

An environment that, so far, has claimed too many lives, including Gregory.

Mickye McGuire-Rush says, “He was my best friend.”

Tips for Parents

After a decade of decline, the number of children killed by gun fire has increased, according to the report Protect Children, Not Guns. This report from the Children’s Defense Fund, used data from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, to compile this list of statistics:

3,006 children and teens died from gunfire in the United States in 2005—one child or teen every three hours, eight every day, 58 children and teens every week.
1,972 were homicide victims
822 committed suicide
212 died in accidental or undetermined circumstances
2,654 were boys
352 were girls
404 were under age 15
131 were under age 10
69 were under age 5
1,624 were White
1,271 were Black
614 were Latino*
60 were Asian or Pacific Islander
51 were American Indian or Alaska Native


The number of children and teens in America killed by guns in 2005 would fill 120 public school classrooms of 25 students each.

In 2005, 69 preschoolers were killed by firearms compared to 53 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty.

Since 1979, gun violence has snuffed out the lives of 104,419 children and teens in America. Sixty percent of them were White; 37 percent were Black.

The number of Black children and teens killed by gunfire since 1979 is more than 10 times the number of Black citizens of all ages lynched in American history.

The number of children and teens killed by guns since 1979 would fill 4,177 public school classrooms of 25 students each.

More than five times as many children and teens suffered non-fatal gun injuries.

181 more children and teens died from firearms in 2005 than in 2004—the first annual increase since 1994.

68 more children and teens died from homicide in 2005 than in 2004.

56 more White, 122 more Black, 40 more Hispanic, and 9 more Asian and Pacific Islander children and teens died in 2005 than in 2004.

More 10- to 19-year-olds die from gunshot wounds than from any other cause except motor vehicle accidents.

Almost 90 percent of the children and teens killed by firearms in 2005 were boys.

Black children and teens are more likely to be victims of firearm homicide. White children and teens are more likely to commit suicide.

The firearm death rate for Black males ages 15 to 19 is more than four times that of comparable White males.

A Black male has a 1 in 72 chance of being killed by a firearm before his 30th birthday; a White male has a 1 in 344 chance.

Eight times as many White children and teens committed suicide by gun as Black children and teens.

Males ages 15 to 19 are almost eight times as likely as females that age to commit suicide with a firearm.

The following behaviors and actions may be viewed as risk factors indicative of the potential for the initiation of violence by a child or adolescent:


Has a history of tantrums or uncontrollable angry outbursts
Uses abusive language or calls people names
Makes violent threats when angry
Has brought a weapon to school
Has serious disciplinary problems at school or in the community
Abuses drugs, alcohol or other substances
Has few or no close friends
Is preoccupied with weapons or explosives
Has been suspended or expelled from school
Is cruel to animals
Has little or no supervision and support from parents or a caring adult
Has witnessed or been a victim of abuse or neglect
Has been bullied and/or bullies or intimidates other kids
Prefers TV shows, movies or music with violent themes
Is involved with a gang or an antisocial group
Is depressed or has significant mood swings
Has threatened or attempted suicide

What Parents Can Do

The following are suggestions of ways to help your child or adolescent deal with feelings and/or situations that might lead them to participate in violent behaviors:

Give your children consistent love and attention. Every child needs a strong, loving, relationship with a parent or other adult to feel safe and secure and to develop a sense of trust.
Children learn by example, so show your children appropriate behavior by the way you act. Settle arguments with calm words, not with yelling, hitting, slapping, or spanking. If you punish children by hitting, slapping, or spanking them, you are showing them that it is okay to hit others.

Talk with your children about the violence they see on TV, in video games, at school, at home, or in the neighborhood. Discuss why violence exists in these contexts and what the consequences of this violence are.

Try to keep your children from seeing too much violence: limit their TV time, and screen the programs they watch. Seeing a lot of violence can lead children to behave aggressively.

Make sure your children do not have access to guns. If you own firearms or other weapons, unload them and lock them up separately from the bullets. Never store firearms where children can find them, even if unloaded. Also, talk with your children about how dangerous weapons can be.

Involve your children in setting rules for appropriate behavior at home; this will help them understand why the rules should be followed. Also ask your children what they think an appropriate punishment would be if a rule were broken.

Teach your children nonaggressive ways to solve problems by discussing problems with them, asking them to consider what might happen if they use violence to solve problems, and talking about what might happen if they solve problems without violence.

Listen to your children and respect them. They will be more likely to listen and respect others if they are listened to and treated with respect.

Note any disturbing behaviors in your child such as angry outbursts, excessive fighting, cruelty to animals, fire setting, lack of friends, or alcohol/drug use. These can be signs of serious problems.

Don't be afraid to get help for your child if such behaviors exist, and talk with a trusted professional in the community.

References

National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
National Safety Council
SafeUSA - National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Children’s Defense Fund

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Understanding and Preventing Teen Runaways




Knowing the Difference: Runaway, Missing or Sneaking?



When a teen turns up "missing," parents must initially decide whether the child is missing, has run away, or simply sneaked out.

There are differences, and those differences are very important. A missing child could have been abducted by someone against his/her will and is being held, possibly threatened. A missing child can also be a child who is simply missing; the child did not return home when expected and may be lost or injured.

Runaway teens and sneaking teens are often confused, as both leave a supervised environment of their own free will. Sneaking teens leave home for a short period of time, with intent to return, most likely during the night or while a parent can be fooled. A runaway teen leaves home or a supervised environment for good, with intent to live separate from his/her parents. Runaway teens will likely have shown symptoms prior to running away.

In most cases, a teen runs away after a frustrating and heated argument with one or both parents. Often times, the runaway will stay with a friend or relative close by to cool off. In more serious cases, a teen may run away often and leave with no notion of where they are going.

Warning Signs your Teen May Become a Runaway

Attempts to communicate with your teen have only resulted in ongoing arguments, yelling, interruptions, hurtful name- calling, bruised feelings and failure to come to an agreement or compromise.

Your teen has become involved in a network of friends or peers who seem often unsupervised, rebellious, defiant, involved with drugs or alcohol or who practice other alarming social behavior.
A noticeable pattern of irrational, impulsive and emotionally abusive behavior by either parent or teen.

The Grass Looks Greener on the Other Side

Often, we hear our teens use "My friend's parents let her do it!" or, "Everything is better at my friend's house!" The parents of your teen's friends may be more lenient, choose later curfew times, allow co-ed events or give higher allowances. While you as parent know all parents work differently, it can be very difficult for your teen to understand.

Motivations of a Runaway

To avoid an emotional experience or consequence that they are expecting as a result of a parental, sibling, friend or romantic relationship/situation.

To escape a recurring or ongoing painful or difficult experience in their home, school or work life.
To keep from losing privileges to activities, relationships, friendships or any other things considered important or worthwhile.

To be with other people such as friends or relatives who are supportive, encouraging and active in ways they feel are missing from their lives.

To find companionship or activity in places that distract them from other problems they are dealing with.

To change or stop what they are doing or about to do.

As parents or guardians we strive to create positive, loving households in order to raise respectful, successful and happy adults. In order to achieve this, rules must be put in place. Teens who run away from home are often crying for attention. Some teens will attempt to run away just once, after an unusually heated argument or situation in the household, and return shortly after. More serious cases, however, happen with teens in extreme emotional turmoil.

Parents also need to be extremely aware of the symptoms, warning signs and dangers of teenage depression. Far too many teens are suffering from this disease and going untreated. Often, runaways feel they have no other choice but to leave their home, and this is in many cases related to their feelings of sadness, anger and frustration due to depression.

Teenage Depression

There are many causes of depression, and every child, regardless of social status, race, age or gender is at risk. Be aware and be understanding. To an adult juggling family and career, it may seem that a young teenager has nothing to be "depressed" about! Work for a mutual communication between the two of you. The more your teenager can confide his/her daily problems and concerns, the more you can have a positive and helpful interaction before the problems overwhelm them.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Sue Scheff: Teen Runaways - Helping Parents



Taking Action: Get Educated Scary Statistics



21% of runaways are victims of domestic physical or sexual abuse at home prior to running away, or are afraid a return home would result in abuse.



19% of runaways are/were dependant on at least one substance.



18% of runaways are 13 years or older.



18% of runaways end up in the company of someone known to be abusing drugs.



17% of runaways end up using hard drugs.



12% of runaways spend time in a place where criminal activity is known to occur.



11% of teens participate in criminal activity while on the run.



4% of runaway teens have attempted suicide previous to running away.



4% of runaways are physically assaulted or the subject of an attempted assault while on the run.



The Power of Knowledge: Work to Be a Better Parent



Even the best parents can use skill training. Continue to improve your skills both as a communicator and a parent, as well as the problems facing teenagers today. Join your family through problem-solving skills to avoid conflict.



Evaluate yourself. Do your bad habits seem to rub off on your teen? Get healthy!



Develop a crisis intervention plan for your teen if the situation causing thoughts of running away involves a crisis or recurrent crisis.



Consider seeking professional help for your teen if he/she seems out of control, including self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or violent behavior. Emotional problems associated with anger, sadness or despair are very serious and should be dealt with accordingly.



Evaluate any use of alcohol or drugs by your teen immediately. Seek professional help if you think he/she may have an addiction problem.



Consider attending classes or educational workshops yourself to improve on your parenting skills. Even the very best parents can use support! Your city may offer training in communication and interpersonal skills that can offer help for dealing with divorce, anger, violent behavior, and conflict resolution.



Develop a plan throughout the family for conducting argumentative communication calmly and respectfully. Doing so will promote communication rather than argument.


For more information on Teen Runaways.


By Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

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Sunday, February 10, 2008

Loving kids is easy: Parenting teenagers is hard.


Parents today face very real and sometimes frightening concerns about their children’s lives. As they get older, your kids have their own interests, problems, even their own language. So what's the key to parenting?


You could buy a book…but your child probably won’t read it. You could search the Internet for advice, and ask other parents. Those are good options, but there's one that's even better for parenting teenagers: reality-based DVDs for kids and parents to watch and learn together. Parents don’t typically think of buying a DVD to help them with the issues their children or a problem teenager faces, but this is powerful positive television programming produced by the Emmy® award-winning Connect With Kids team.


Build Your Own Library


We have a complete library of half-hour programs devoted to parenting teenagers and kids, all related to social, emotional and physical health. These aren’t lectures or scare tactics strictly about how to deal with a problem teenager; they’re true stories of real kids facing issues like drugs, drinking, STDs, obesity, racism, peer pressure, body image, bullying, and more.


These powerful stories are unscripted, unrehearsed and told in kids’ own words, so your children will easily relate to them without feeling defensive, embarrassed, pressured or talked down to. The kids' stories are supported with interviews and advice from leading child specialists, health experts, educators and counselors.


Watching together is a great way to start talking with your kids. Each 30-minute video is only $19.95, and comes with a Viewing Guide with facts, suggested conversation starters and professional advice. To order, visit our products page.


As a Parent Advocate, Connect with Kids offers a great number of informational articles, DVD's, video's and more to help parents understand today's kids.